


something tidal

by orphan_account



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, a 'what if lesbians' fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-04
Updated: 2016-12-01
Packaged: 2018-08-19 13:29:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8210284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: five times the world would have changed if vex had loved keyleth, insteador; what if lesbians, though?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> tags and warnings will be updated as i write
> 
> this fic isn't completed, but AO3 is being an ass and not letting me change that???

"The way you turn into animals is amazing," Vax said, and Keyleth giggled at his goofy smile. It was touched with just a hint of hysteria, the pressure of the day turning Keyleth's brain to mush made of nervous laughter and panic. 

Vax slumped against her, his hands clenched around the gash in his stomach. Keyleth caught him and cursed, calling out for Vex. Healing had never really been her role, not before Pike left, but with and little help, she could probably--

"Vax--" They both sunk a little closer to the ground. "Stay with me, Vax. Vax? Come on, buddy." 

"Yup," Vax hummed. His head lolled to the side as he smiled up at her. "It's no wonder Vex is in love with you."

Keyleth stilled. " _What?_ "

"Vax'ildan!" Vex rushed into the room, Scanlan on her heels. They both knelt next to Keyleth, their hands reaching out. "What happened? Oh, you stupid man--" 

"Put pressure on the wound while I heal him," Keyleth snapped back into focus, druid energy already gathering in her chest. "Scanlan, go help Percy with his sister."

"His sis--" Scanlan looked across the room. "Oh, _fuck._ "

"Yeah," Keyleth said, her hands drenched in Vax's blood. As the gnome dashed across the room, Keyleth focused on the twins again. Vex stared down at her brother in shock, and Vax stared back, eyes drooping. "Are you ready?" she asked, bringing their attention back to her.

Well, Vex's attention came to her. Vax still stared up at his sister, stubborn as ever. "You should tell her," he rasped, as Vex glanced down at him, eyebrows furrowed.

"Your intestines are falling out, and that's what you're worried about?" 

"Tell her," she insisted. 

"Please just pass out already."

"You already told me, Vex," Keyleth said. She tried to make her voice as kind and nonthreatening as possible, but from the way Vex stiffened beside her, she failed. "That's not important right now," she continued, placing her hands on either side of the wound Vex was desperately holding together. 

After the healing, after Vax's sheepish apologies and repairing Percy's fragile psyche, they continued through the castle. Even Cassandra's presence couldn't pull Keyleth's attention from Vex'ahlia. She held herself apart from the rest of the party, avoiding Keyleth's eyes and Vax's touch. Keyleth fretted just behind her through the tunnels, Vax flashing wide, worried eyes at her over his shoulder. 

Keyleth had half a mind to help Grog prank him very, very soon. 

Still, she sighed, and sidled a little closer to Vex. Whatever awaited them at the end of these tunnels, the tension would only make this worse. They'd almost lost Vax already, and the thought of losing Vex because of something so ridiculous-- The thought of losing Vex at all burned a hole in Keyleth's chest.

Sheer anxiety had Keyleth clearing her throat, hovering around the idea of starting a conversation. Vex's eyes darted to her, for a moment, and then returned to staring at the nape of Percy's neck with all the intensity of a cornered animal. 

"Hi," Keyleth squeaked, forcing a smile. It felt like boots you'd just grown out of, too strange on her face for that conversation or those darkened hallways. "So, ah… How are you?" 

Vex didn't as much as twitch. "As well as can be expected, I suppose," she replied. Her voice was almost cold, and just as stilted as Keyleth's attempt at a grin. 

"Oh. Yeah. Of course." Keyleth's fingers tangled and untangled in the folds of her skirt. "So. About what Vax said--" 

"Keyleth." 

They stopped, feet halted by the desperation in Vex's voice. Vex, as a rule, never let herself sound that lost. It was always Keyleth whose voice raised and changed pitch with every new emotion, but Vex? Vex was the strongest of them all when it came to matters of the heart, she'd always thought. Now, though, Vex was finally looking at her, and Vex's eyes looked just as frantic as Keyleth's name on her tongue. Keyleth's chest felt tight with empathy, and she wanted nothing more than to reach out and take Vex's hand in hers. 

"Yeah?" She prodded, voice soft. So much of her wanted to reach out and comfort Vex'ahlia, but Keyleth knew from experience how useless she was at is. She was all awkward limbs and stuttered words, and Vex had walls Keyleth was sure her clumsy attempts could never breach.

"Don't, _please._ What Vax told you-- It was never supposed to be anything but a secret. I don't expect anything from you; You were never even supposed to know. I know it's not--" Vex gritted her teeth. "Just forget it, please. And if you can't forget it, ignore it." 

"I don't think I can," Keyleth said, and flinched when Vex made another, smaller, broken sound. 

"Why can't you just-- There's nothing you could say that I don't already know, Keyleth. Percy needs us right now, and if you say it-- Only so many of us can go into this with a broken heart." 

"A broken heart? Wha--" Keyleth's voice shuddered short in her throat as it all clicked into place, pieces she hadn't even known were part of the same puzzle. Relationships were knew to her, another strange and complicated part of the world that no one had bothered to explain before Vox Machina. Keyleth had been witness to the blossoming of others' relationships, had even kissed Kash back for half a moment before he'd pulled away, but-- Everything it meant, the rules and traditions of love, had meant nothing to her just moments ago. Now, with hurt already welling up in Vex's eyes, Keyleth was… confused, yes, but mostly desperate. 

Desperate to prove that she would never break Vex like that. 

Keyleth didn't know if she wanted to 'date' Vex. After everything that had happened, Keyleth wasn't sure if she wanted to date anyone at all. But she did know that, no matter what Vex felt for her, she would always be Vex's friend. Pushing Vex away would be terrible, like giving up a limb, or her magic. It was unthinkable. 

Slowly, Keyleth reached out and tangled her fingers in Vex's. "It's alright," Keyleth said, gently. "We'll talk about it later. Okay?"

Vex nodded. Her movements were made stiff by her hesitation, and she did not speak, but Keyleth could feel the grip on her fingers strengthen. 

"Okay." Keyleth answered herself, and beamed. Even in the dark and haunted hallways of Castle Whitestone, Keyleth could feel a little peace- as light and warm as sunshine -settle into her chest. 

Tonight, she was sure, they would save a city and a friend. And tomorrow, if they were luck, there would be time enough to figure all… this out.


	2. Chapter 2

The smell of brimstone soaked everything, now. It was odd-- Keyleth hadn't fought a dragon that actually breathed fire before that day. She hadn't known how the scent clung to everything it could so that it could follow you home, whispering reminders that you were not safe, that the fire was still out there, and it burned for _you_. 

Keyleth hated it, and it was in her hair, her clothes, her armour. She'd stink of ash and fear for weeks. She didn't know if the stench would ever leave the streets. 

Or what was left of them. 

Sighing, Keyleth tossed her clothes back into the bucket below. No matter how long she scrubbed, nothing changed, and the suds were starting to fade. Her fingers were aching, anyway-- How long had she been at it? Hours? 

She turned her hands over slowly, staring at her pruny fingers, and suddenly Keyleth felt about it all. Those weren't her hands at all; they were someone else's, and she was merely an impartial observer, floating just above. 

Maybe that someone else would have better idea of how to fix the world shattered at their feet. 

If Keyleth were a more immature woman, she would have kicked the washtub out of frustration. But she wasn't, so she didn't-- She did, however, think very _hard_ about it. 

Keyleth's thoughts could have spiraled (from the morose to the ridiculous, and back again) like that for hours, and probably would have, if not for the knock on her door. 

She straightened, rubbing her pruny fingers on the short pants she worse to bed. "Come in?" 

The door swung open in half-measure and Vex's large, brown eyes peered through the cracks. They were still bloodshot, Keyleth noted, and the skin around them still puffy and red from her tears. For all Keyleth was having problems dealing with this, when she had last seen them, the twins had been near hysterics. It wasn't hard to imagine why-- When Keyleth thought about her own mother... Being visited by the monsters who'd killed her would have driven Keyleth mad. For once, she was glad of her own ignorance. 

Still, though, something in Keyleth's chest settled at the sight of Vex. It wasn't a new feeling, but Vax's proxy confession in Whitestone had brought it new meaning. Before, Keyleth would have leapt from her seat and cling to Vex's side awkwardly, trying to chase that small kernel of peace. Now, though, she forced herself to stay seated as Vex finally opened the door completely. 

"Are you sure?" Vex asked, her voice reedy with exhaustion. 

It stung a little; Keyleth was surprised to find. All that happened today, and Vex was still tiptoeing around like being loved could break Keyleth. 

"Come here," Keyleth said, firmly. 

Vex shut the door behind her-- Pale and beautiful, Vex looked like an apparition, gliding towards Keyleth. 

"Vax went to check on Percy again and I-" Her footsteps faltered with her voice. "I didn't know where else to go." 

"Oh, Vex." Keyleth stood and caught Vex in a hug, wrapping her arms around her friend's waist and holding on tight. She didn't hug much anymore; They weren't appreciated often, and even when they were, Keyleth knew she tended to hold on too long and too tight. But that seemed like just what they needed tonight, and when Vex's arms most around her neck, Keyleth knew they'd made the night call. 

Sighing, Keyleth pressed her face into Vex's shoulder. Clean brown hair blocked the rest of the world out for precious heartbeats, and, in the warm cradle of Vex's embrace, the smell of brimstone was gone. 

"I don't want to be alone tonight," Vex said, her lips brushing Keyleth's skin. It sounded like a confession, like something dirty or broken, and Keyleth's heart broke all over again. 

"Stay with me," Keyleth said, "My bed's big enough for two." She felt Vex stiffen in her arms and the facade of peace broke around them. "Or, uh, not?" Keyleth squeaked, starting to pull back. "I just thought that--" 

"It's a wonderful idea," Vex said-- Not at all reassured, Keyleth noted that it hadn't stopped Vex from taking a very quick step away from their embrace. "It's just that..." Vex trailed off, staring at Keyleth's bed with a furrow in her brow. "Well, are you _sure_?" 

"Why wouldn't I be?" Vex lowered her head, but not before Keyleth could see the beginnings of a blush dust itself across Vex's cheeks. 

This again. 

The idea did give Keyleth pause, but not because she was considering sending Vex away-- The idea alone was what had thrown her off, actually. The stalled romance between them had never felt like something to avoid or talk around, and now, when it could offer Vex so much needed comfort, Keyleth had only thought to use it as a tool to keep Vex close. 

Time and again, it was Vex who took the first step away, and Vex who thought first and only of any potential discomfort on Keyleth's part. She know she should be grateful, and at first she had been, but as Keyleth sifted through her own emotions, Vex's distance was frustrating. And tonight, tired and desperate for warmth, it was almost more than Keyleth could take. 

"Vex, stop." Vex looked up at her, brown eyes wide, the blush replaced with the sicly pale of shock. Perhaps Keyleth had sounds a bit _too_ frustrated. 

"I know you're trying to protect me, and that's... It's really sweet, Vex. Really. But I don't need to protected from you. I can take care of myself. And I know I'm pretty bad at the emotions thing, but you don't have to turn yours off to protect mine. I know you love me, and I-" Keyleth ducked her head. "I don't know how I feel, but you're one of my best friend, and I _like_ that you love me. I like that you need me. Because I need you, too. And trying to live through all this without my best friend is the worst thing you could possibly do to me." 

"I didn't--" Vex's voice was a shaky thing in the back of her throat, and Keyleth stepped forward, grabbing at Vex's shoulders. "I didn't even think about how you must be feeling--" 

"Vex, you've done nothing but think of me. Don't apologize, just... be with me? Please?" Vex smiled, watery and strained, but it was real, and it was the most beautiful thing Keyleth had ever seen. Impulsively, Keyleth pulled Vex back into an embrace, arms wrapping around her shoulders tightly. 

"I can do that," Vex said into Keyleth's shoulder. 

"Thank you." Keyleth let go, but reach forward and linked their fingers together before Vex could pull away. "Can we be done with the talking now? Please?" 

A laugh bubbled up in Vex's throat, tight and wild. "Yes, Keyleth; We can be done with the talking now." Her fingers tightened around Keyleth and for a moment they beamed at each other, a perfect mirror of the moment in Castle Whitestone that had started this dreaded 'feelings' business in the first place. 

Eventually, though, the exhaustion broke down the giddy feeling bubbling up in Keyleth's chest and she broke the scene, stepping back and tugging at Vex's grip. 

The bed was softer than Keyleth could remember it ever being before-- It cradled her body like she had always imagined the clouds would. Even the sheets, which had seemed so stifling and rough just this morning felt like silk against her skin. Maybe it was the strain of the day twisting her perception with relief. But maybe, Keyleth thought as she curled further into the mattress, it was the warmth of Vex's body next to hers. There was something so comforting about the press of another person's skin, and the way Vex's hair fell across her shoulders-- Yes, Keyleth thought, as exhaustion took her mind, this could be addicting. 

The last thing she felt as she drifted away was Vex's fingers, curling against her collarbone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if i could i'd go back and rewrite this if i could, but it's been two months and i've picked up a second job so that's... not... going to happen
> 
> sorry this one seems really redundant but uh 
> 
> shrugemoji.jpeg

**Author's Note:**

> concrit welcome and needed
> 
> rebloggable versions and an open askbox found at tumblr on nixcarraway
> 
> hope you enjoyed


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